Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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