I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
