I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
