Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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