I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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