just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
third nipple confirmed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
