i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
soo... how was my night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
