hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
