I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
