There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
