I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
