I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
