I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
