so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
