they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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