Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The air was thick with penises
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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