Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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