If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
