My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
