Even the bartender felt bad for me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
