You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
