New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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