A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
