I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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