I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
