Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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