Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
