My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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