the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
