singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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