can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
