Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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