Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
