loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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