shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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