Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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