i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
