You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
