I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
wow bdsm is so cute
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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