i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
