How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
