Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
