You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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