i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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