watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
