Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
