I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
