had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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