i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
