Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize