How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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