I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No more Irish car bombs ever.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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