so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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