Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it hurts more in the daytime
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
