He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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