his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
