I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
