They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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