its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
