Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize