The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
