Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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