Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
