Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
