why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
