we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
