He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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