im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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