she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
