Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You're like the curious george of whores
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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