It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
