So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
