And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
